Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, No matter what I do I cant fall back asleep.

I try and calm my thoughts, and take melatonin to help me, but sometimes that doesn't work. Im awake for hours closing my eyes trying to go to bed, I feel like im in a hell where I only have my thoughts.

Occasionally I ask myself if I would rather go to hell, or not exist when I die. Is it worth all this pain just to exist, all my life it feels like i've been dealing with this pain just so I can exist.

The thought of not existing terrifies me, but I dont want to exist only in pain, I am torn on what to do.

I do not know if there is anything after this.